Hey girl, today we’re discussing how to properly heal from expired friendships.

Make yourself comfortable. Grab your candle, lighter, socks & change into your oversized ‘tees’ to relax because I have ‘tea’ to spill.

Many of us have suffered silently about what it feels like to lose friends you’ve known for years. We’ve never really mastered the proper way of knowing how to heal from it. It’s normally not spoken of mainly due to pride. Pride can keep you from evolving in so many areas of your life not just in friendships.

A wise friend of mine once said to me “we forgive our boyfriends & husbands over and over again but once a friend falls short it’s over. That became so true to me in that moment. We don’t take the time to realize 1, we all make mistakes 2, no one’s short comings are greater than the other. I believe so often we can’t figure out ways to maneuver in regular friendships so we end up lacking in areas w/ our boyfriends & husbands. If you can’t learn to communicate effectively, ever admit your wrongdoings, or simply learn to say ‘I’m sorry’, it becomes rather difficult to exhibit those habits in your marriage or relationship.

I have had a few failing friendship relationships over time due to misunderstandings, one sided behaviors being displayed, lack of self awareness, lack of my own awareness towards the other party & un forgiveness. Nothing in any relationship ever gets resolved without those key components that strengthen it in the first place. Ideally you’d think that history reminds each person of how much love is there but in this day & age it doesn’t. Do not follow what the world believes you should do.

If you feel yourself being vulnerable first try expressing those feelings in a journal which is what I have practiced over and over again. Next, if you feel the urge to let your friend know how you feel do so even if you don’t get a reply. Sometimes just saying I love you & leaving it at that does more for you than it may them. You get the peace that surpasses all understanding. Philippians 4:7 – “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” It is important to also remember that living a godly life is difficult so if you fall, repent and get back up. (This means if you clap back.)

What Not to Do

Do not let anyone make you feel guilty for things God has already forgiven you for. & forgive your friends for things you know they did but have not apologized for. Never expect an apology. Your peace & sanity are far more important. Show love to those that do not care for you anymore. While history may be what the foundation of the relationship was, I do believe that if the relationship no longer serves you then it is best to walk away. Friends should be able to tell you the truth in a loving way as you would with your boyfriend or husband.

In a season of my life I wrote & asked God to remove people that aren’t for me. Instantly I had a feeling of who those people would be but I didn’t think it would happen but it did & it was rapid. Learn to be receptive and ready for what you ask God for. He works fast when you mean it. I kept asking him to bring me friends that are god fearing, ones that pray for each other, can tell each other their faults, forgive and practice healthy habits. I would confide in my husband about it well before it began and I became shocked when it happened.

When those fall outs occurred I saw so much of myself that was an issue that I never saw before. God showed me myself vividly.

The realization came to me that I never once prayed & asked God to show me also how to be a better friend to people. I wasn’t a great friend in the past. Being closer to God in my walk has allowed me to be extremely aware of how to protect and cover my friends in prayer & love them with my words.

Even though they chose to handle the friendship one way it was not what I chose to do. I did not have to fall into those ways. It wasn’t necessary to be mean to them because they walked away. I learned to just take it. Obviously not in the moment but it is what I had come to terms with. Choose how to properly respond & know how to react. You don’t have to treat them how they treat you. If your love for them is genuine God will intervene on your behalf.

What to Do

Pray for your ex friends. I never in my life would do that. I would wish harm, hope for the worse, & hate on them. Not good! It only made me bitter & angry. I changed who I was inside to give attention to negativity. Matthew 5:44 – “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, & pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”

Instead of ‘giving the same energy’ do the opposite. Do not aim to be better than someone which I have caught myself doing. I could find anything to make fun of them, anything negative to say.

You have to get to the root of why you’re so angry. It could be you miss them or you’re mad at yourself for hurting them. I did not like the numerous chances they gave others but ended it so fast with me.

I never give up on people b/c we are all damaged. The same way you have to tell your boyfriend or husband I don’t like this or that, you ask for change. It’s the same way in friendships especially if one isn’t always aware of their actions.

Just ask God for peace & trust that he has it under control. He will accurately show you how to properly heal from expired friendships. Don’t fight what he’s doing. Even if you miss a person, it does not mean they can be in every chapter of your life.

Some’s seasons are longer than others. However, if you never learn to forgive, communicate, express, put pride down, love unconditionally & actively take steps to move forward in friendships, it’s impossible to do so in your relationship. Pondering on what could have been is pointless. Think on God & his grace. If you feel too weak to pray let God know you do.

Solutions

If you feel too weak to forgive tell him. Too weak to want to show them love? Tell him & he will provide you with strength to sustain & withstand whatever comes your way. This is in fact the go to on how to properly heal from expired friendships. Moral of the story is to not think it’s weak to be vulnerable. Love them, forgive them & choose peace. If you’d like to share your story click here & share we would love to hear feedback. 🫶🏽